So I was driving home today from work, disappointed in the way things have been going in my life. I found myself wanting Burger King. I had an internal argument with myself again, but this time I lost.

Now I am sitting on the couch with my legs up (because they hurt) watching The Biggest Loser. To see the amazing changes in the last few left is absolutely amazing!!! I want to be that, I want to have that success story.

I also had my doctor's appointment today. My blood pressure was 130/90. I am not sure if that is good or not but it is down. I also didn't loose any more weight, but I didn't gain any either. So I am still at 15 lbs lost. I guess I should be hearing from my doctor in the next few days. I am actually nervous.

Ok guys and gals, I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I have been working crazy hours. Here is what has been going on...

I fell off the wagon again! I actually weighed myself in the late afternoon last Thursday and it said I gained a pound. I didn't update my weight loss tracker because I am trying to say it was because it was in the middle of the afternoon.

I go to the doctors on Tuesday to get my bloodwork done again. If my numbers haven't decreased I am suppose to be put on three different medications. I really don't want to be on anything. It is bad enough I forget to take the one pill I take now daily.

My motivation has decreased to barely anything. I never set up the motivation board my husband mentioned but I think I need to get on that ASAP.

I could really use all your help!!!

I DID IT!!!! I lost 3 more lbs......

I am a day early weighing in but really wanted to do it today because I had a rough night last night. I was driving home from work at 8PM and starving. I needed to still eat dinner. I knew I was going to pass Wendy's, Taco Bell, and McDonalds. I had a full blown conversation with myself and just as the restaurants came up I was able to talk myself out of it.

When I got home I had a bowl of raisan brain and snacked on Pirate's Booty. I probably had more than I should of the Pirate's Booty but it was still better than the fast food chains. I am really proud of myself, but I also know that battle will come again soon and I feel like I might have a better chance of winning.

DAY 21-

Just signed up with Walk with Walgreens. You log your steps and in return you have a chance to win prizes or just receive special offers and coupons. Since I am a coupon freak it was a no brainer for me. Now I just need to find my podometer!!

DAY 20-

So the weekends still prove to be the hardest. My husband and I were able to go out to eat just the two of us Saturday night. Don was craving Moe's so I suggested we go there. I ordered two Funk meisters with chicken which came with chips. Don also requested some queso. After I finished the tacos I went straight to the chips and queso. I had more than 1 but less then 20 chips before I decided I needed to stop myself. I grabbed the lid to the queso and thought lets bring it home for another time. Don wasn't finished so he continued to eat. Shortly thereafter he asked if I would be mad if he ate it all.... No I wasn't mad but it was really hard for me to sit there and wait for him to eat it all as I continued to hold myself back from drinking the queso and shoving chips down my throat. I had to do something, so I responded with will you be mad if I go to CVS while you finish up. He said no so off I went.

I was totally torn between spending time with my husband that we don't get often or making sure I didn't eat anymore unhealthy and not needed food. I think I made the right choice. I need to make myself better so that I can be the wife and mother my family deserves. I do wish that my husband would join me in this change though.

On another note, I was presented with a challenge to find a way that would provide another daily motivator. I struggled with creative ways to do this when my husband, out of the blue, suggested that we share his motivational board in our room. He said I could put the amount I already lost and images of what my goal is. I thought that was creative and a great idea! Now I just need to find what I am looking for to put on it.

DAY 16-

Check it out.....I LOST 4 MORE LBS!!!!

Honestly I thought it would be more since I added the exercise in but I think it is in part because I have cheated slightly at least every day. I had that one bad day and now I crave the fatty foods again. Plus I still haven't gone grocery shopping.

This week I promise to continue the exercise when I can (since I have to work long hours) and not cheat 5 out of the 7 days. I am going to weigh myself every week. If I am loosing weight slowly then I may back off just because today was slightly disappointing.

Oh, question - I continue to have a dry mouth no matter how much water I drink. Does anyone know why?

DAY 14-

I am still getting back on the wagon. I did really good yesterday but had three chocolate chip cookies last night. So far today I am also doing well, but since we didn't take anything out for dinner tonight I am not sure what supper will bring.

I have a walking partner today but not for the rest of the week due to my busy time at work kicks up at the end of the week. I will have to try to squeeze a walk in at lunch time.

The fact that I lost 8 lbs in a week was a really energy booster for me to get to exercising the few days following the news. I am not suppose to weigh again until the 17th, but I think if I find myself down I might weigh again. Just thinking it might be a boost for me when I am working 10-12 hours a day the next two weeks. What do you guys think? Is weighing myself a bad idea?

DAY 13-

So I didn't post yesterday. I fell off the wagon HARD!!! I am really struggling on the weekends as well as trying to find an excercise routine that I enjoy. I love walking with others, but I can't count on someone everyday.

I am still committed to do this though. I have gotten back on the wagon today and I am going to forget about yesterday. I am also going to continue to search for a source of exercise that excites me. I can't wait to find it!!!

DAY 11-

So I thought I was feeling better, went out to weed the backyard and fix our front yard garden. Although I did a lot, I didn't feel to well after.

I made some good choices and bad choices today food wise. I think it is mostly because I need to go grocery shopping. I am going to try to make a list tomorrow. Since it is suppose to rain tomorrow I need to think of another way to exercise. Unfortunately I am not motivated to do work out tapes yet. I feel weird doing them because I keep thinking I am going to make the house fall down. I know that is ridiculous but still.

Well I am willing to take some imaginative suggestions for exercising indoors. Anything?

DAY 10

So yesterday's walk really kicked my butt. Thanks Karla! I am working from home today. If the weekends aren't the hardest, I now have another day to add to the weekend. I think it will help that my stomach is upset so maybe I won't eat too much.

DAY 9 -

So today has really been uneventful. I am in training all day for work and they supplied breakfast and lunch. Because I was sooo picky I was forced to have a small amount of fruit for breakfast and a small sandwich with no cheese for lunch.

I actually have a headache right now because I need more to eat. Right now people sitting in my class are all eating candy and there is a huge pile on the table. They of course have to be my favorite reeses and carmel.

Anyways, I am excited to go over Karla's house for a healthy meal and a nice walk. I also walked yesterday with Aunt Cindy and Landon for awhile. It wasn't strenuous but it was something.

DAY 8 - So I gave in to my first goodie table experience this morning. I was fine with the food was away from me, but then they put the cake right next to me. I couldn't help myself and I got a small piece. Hopefully, I won't go back for more.

On a good note, I have a walking partner for today and tomorrow. Landon will have to come with me, but I think he will be fine if I am creative with it.

Many people asked me to get my weight checked again recently, so I just got back from the nurse's office. I LOST 8LBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I now weigh 315lbs and my BMI is down 1.18. I can only imagine how much exercising will help. TRACK HERE I COME....

DAY 7- I feel like I am on an emotional roaler coaster. I walked into work this morning and found myself looking at those passing me by and asking myself why can't I be them. Why did I let myself get this bad? I told myself, "You should be ashamed! You are the slowest walker here. Pick up your feet and go already. Stop being LAZY DAMN IT!!"

It really got me thinking, can I do this? I know I can eat well, I have been for a week. But can I stop being LAZY and start exercising. When I get home after working all day, can I stop myself from going to sit on the couch where I reside until its time for bed? When Landon asks me to wrestle with him, can I chase him around the house instead of having him charge at me? Can I stop looking at the people around me and get jealous because they are smaller than me or walk faster than me?

I never thought I was a superficial person, but am I?

DAY 6 - So I really think I have the eating healthy thing down pat for Monday through Friday. I have yet to be challenged by a goodie table but I believe I can pass on it. I feel amazingly energized and happy that I am doing so well. I am slightly ambrassed that I didn't know healthy food can taste good too. I have tried so many new things and those that know me, knows that is a different.

My coworker brought in a dish for me for lunch today. It was called Callaoo. It has a Jamaican vegetable like spinach, tomatoes, cod, peppers, and onions. It was DELICIOUS!!!!

So since I am not doing too bad with the food I am going to commit to you to start incorporating exercising. Even if it is just a few minutes a day to start, its something. I already have a walking date for Thursday, thansk to Karla!!!

Day 5 - The weekend has proven to be the hardest. It is really hard to make good choices when surrounded by others that aren't dieting, as well as, being out and about. I think I did OK, definitely better than before my dieting.

Don and I took Landon to the Zoo today. It was a beautiful day for it. I was really disappointed that after a few hours, my feet hurt and I found myself finding any opportunity to sit down. I am going to be better. I decided that at least on the days Don is working the day shift, I am going to take Kendal for walks. I eventually want Landon to come with me, but I don't need anything to prevent me from wanting to walk right now and Landon could be a hand full.

I want to thank the few that have been looking at my posts. It has really made me want to provide you updates that are successes. I also appreciate the ideas that you have provided. THANKS EVERYONE!!

Day 4- This is my first weekend on the diet and I am kind of nervous. So far I only had to deal with breakfast time. I had a fruit salad made of half a banana, a few strawberries, grapes and blue berries. This was Landon's idea!! At least he knows what to do..LOL.

For lunch I had two eggs scrambled and an english muffin with a little bit of butter and peanut butter. I then went to Emma and Isaac's birthday party and didn't make good choices :( I had a few slices of something really good but I don't know the name and then a piece of cake.

To offset my bad choices I am going to have a light dinner.

DAY 3

I woke up feeling really good today. I am still really tired but that is because I stayed up too late. I had the same breakfast this morning but added 14 oz of OJ. I used to have it everyday and was craving it. I thought if that is all I crave I am doing good.

Lunch was horrible!!! I had a salad and tried to use Basalmic Vingerette instead of my usual Ranch dressing. I WILL NEVER TRY THAT AGAIN.

Anyways, the Zumba thing didn't work out so I am going to go home have my pulled pork for dinner and then take Landon for a walk.

DAY 2-

I woke up again with a headache and extremely tired from the small walk to and from the park yesterday. I had the same breakfast as yesterday and I am chewing gum like crazy right now!!! I know I know, I should of had a snack, but I had meetings all morning and now it is too close to lunch.
For Lunch, I made myself a sandwich. It consisted of two slices of whole wheat bread, two slices of turkey, three slices of grilled chicken, two slices of cucumbers, two slices of american cheese, and two slices of tomatoes. There appears to be a theme of TWO!!! LOL

So dinner didn't go as planned. I started looking at recipes and found a shrimp pesto pasta recipe on cooking light. I was soo excited to go home and try it. I must say it was delicious, but the portion size was a little small. I also found tomorrows dinner recipe, pulled pork. YUMMMM

I didn't have a snack today so I am splitting an ice cream sandwich with Landon. Since it is only 6pm, if I am hungry again tonight, I will have some celery with peanut butter. I have to make that for a snack for work tomorrow anyways.

No exercise today : (

DAY 1- So I woke up this morning with a headache. I think it is from being so worried about what the day will bring. Usually I would use the headache as an excuse, but not today. This morning I had a scrambled egg with a little salt and pepper, a slice of whole wheat toast with a small coating of butter, and 16 oz of water. I feel full and content but it is only been an hour since I ate.

So lunchtime was a little bit of a struggle. I did get a salad which consisted of lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers, hard boiled eggs, cheddar cheese, and bleu cheese. I topped it off with croutons and ranch dressing. I also purchased a banana for my afternoon snack. I think I waited too long to eat because I was starving!!! I devoured the salad and without realizing it I also ate my banana.

It's now almost 2 and I am hungry again. : ( I think I am going to get a small snack and some more water. My plan for dinner is to go to a great friend's house and eat her grilled chicken sausage and veggies meal. After dinner, we are going to walk the kiddies to the park.

I am starting this blog to hold myself accountable for changing my lifestyle. I had my yearly physical at the end of January. The results were not pleasing. I am 5 feet 5 inches tall and weighed in at an astonishing 323 pounds. This is the HEAVIEST I have ever been. In addition to the shock of my weight, I also was hit with the news that I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and I am a border line diabetic. It was communicated to me that if my levels do not drop by April, when I will be tested again, I will be placed on three different medications.

I want to be able to spend a day playing non stop with my son and not be out of breath or tired. I want to be off my depression medication and be able to walk into any store and know they have clothes that fit me.

So here I go, tomorrow is DAY 1.....

For those who read my blog, I ask that you don't read my posts and judge. I am looking for supportive friends and family who can encourage me when I am down and congratulate me when I have made even the smallest of accomplishments.